The Real Reason Evan Rachel Wood Checked Herself In To A Mental Hospital

 

Evan's Nylon Essay on Checking Herself In To a Mental Hospital

Evan Rachel Wood penned an essay for Nylon, published on January 31, 2019, that talks about the time she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt.

"When I was 22, I willingly checked myself into a psychiatric hospital, and I have absolutely no shame about it. Looking back, it was the worst, best thing that ever happened to me."

After a suicide attempt, she called her mother asking her to take her to a mental hospital.

"I hadn't eaten or slept in three days. I felt like if you'd dropped me I would shatter. I felt like nothing."

When her mother asked why she attempted to take her own life, she replied that she was looking for peace.

"My mind was not a peaceful place. My mind at the time was filled with scars and shadows and, most importantly, so much shame. I was struggling with PTSD and didn't know it. PTSD is considered a mental illness; it can be caused by a number of things and is not limited to brave service people. My PTSD was caused by multiple rapes and a severely abusive relationship that went on for years."

During this time she felt a lot of fear.

"I had struggled with anxiety and panic attacks during the course of my life, but this was a whole other level of fear. I heard my name in my ear while I slept, which would jolt me awake. In my hazy stupor, I would see shadows, figures of people in my room, I would scream and they would dissipate. I was afraid to be alone, but I also couldn't be around people. I could barely leave my own house. I was too afraid to go outside. I couldn't sleep because every little noise was deafening. I was defensive, I was impulsive, and I had no healthy coping mechanisms yet. I lost friends. I lost job opportunities."

When she was finally checked into a mental hospital, a certain woman began asking her and her mother questions. Evan writes:

"After a few more questions, the woman gave a quick look to my mother, then back at me, 'I have to ask you about sexual abuse now,' she said. My heart sank, my mother politely excused herself so as not to make me uncomfortable, and probably for her own sanity, then I proceeded to share with this new person all the trauma I could remember or had processed enough to identify as abuse. A lot of it was still buried, but I did my best. It's always difficult saying those things out loud. I hear myself saying the words, but it doesn't register. It feels like someone else talking through me. That can't be MY story."

While in the mental hospital, Evan talks about how she got to know a lot of interesting people, but most importantly she began to finally get to know herself. She realized she could be accepted and liked for who she really is, and not for being a film star. The penultimate moment came when one night she let her heart sing:

"One night towards the end of my stay, someone asked me to get up and sing a song. I was feeling a lot on this night, reflecting on my time there so far. I sifted through the stacks of sheet music and landed on one of my favorite songs ever written, 'Smile' by Charlie Chaplin. I closed my eyes and started to sing. When I opened them, this room of pained souls was quiet and listening to the words: 'Smile, though your heart is aching/ Smile, even though it's breaking/ When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.' Time stopped and, for a moment, I felt my soul come back. I was starting to feel like me again."

It was on her last day when her psychiatrist revealed that it was her role as a troubled teen in 2003’s Thirteen that inspired her to become a doctor.

“I had felt worthless, and like the world was better off without me. But it turned out I had helped myself in a way I never thought was possible. I gave to someone who then gave back to me. And for the first time in years, I felt like maybe things did happen for a reason. Maybe there was a reason why my [suicide] attempt didn’t work. Maybe I was supposed to be here.”

In conclusion, she writes:

"I have continued my therapy. Eventually, I weaned myself off of medication, because I felt like, once I was on my feet, I didn't like the way it made me feel, or how it made me not feel. It got me where I needed to be, and now I am able to cope on my own."

This is the article in a nutshell. Here is a summary of my analysis of what Evan wrote:

1. My first impression reading the article is how fake and non-genuine it sounds. I'm not necessarily saying she didn't go to a mental hospital or felt depressed and all that, but the anecdotes that accompany the experience do not seem real. Maybe it's her style of writing. Every few paragraphs or so, it sounds like a self-promotional piece. It is very well crafted, sort of like a movie, where you hit complete bottom, but it concludes with a happy ending. There is a lot of ego in this piece, which Evan is known for. Her favorite subject is herself, she relishes in talking about herself, and she always emerges victorious, though at the same time she wants everyone to know that she is still a fragile victim, but she survives no matter what. It's almost the same story line every time she has talked about herself after her radicalization in 2016 and her role as Delores in Westworld. Before 2016, it was a lot less apparent.

2. Evan Rachel Wood was born on September 7, 1987. She began to date Marilyn Manson in January of 2007, so she was 19 years old. She broke up with Marilyn Manson in October of 2008, when she was 21 years old. She got back together with Manson and became engaged in December of 2009, when she was 22 years old. They called off their engagement in August of 2010, one month before she turned 23.

Timeline is very important here. Evan says she entered the mental hospital when she was 22. She was not in the mental hospital while she was with Manson, so this leaves us with either the two months before December of 2009 prior to her engagement, or after August of 2010 which only leaves her a few weeks before her birthday on September 7th, when she became 23. It seems the latter is the best possibility.

This is a major problem with this article and its credibility. No dates are given, no real background information, no context, we have no information on the setting, such as what state the hospital was in, the names of doctors or people she encountered, even just their first names. It is a very personal article written in a very impersonal way. It is like something she conjured in her imagination, rather than experienced in reality. Evan wants this article to be focused on only one thing - herself. And by solely focusing on herself, without any context, she is attempting to write a story, or should I say continue a story, and that story is the story of her abuse and how she was a victim and how she emerged from that abuse, what it brought her to, and how she dealt with her mental health issues after.

In other words, it is a very manipulative piece of writing, like her previous writings on abuse, which reveal there is more propaganda in this piece than there is reality. Evan is establishing a public narrative.

3. One of the oddest things about this article is that she talks about attempting suicide, but never tells us how. Did she actually attempt to commit suicide, or did she think about it? 
 
It has been said that when you leave something to the imagination, it has a much more powerful affect. The power of revealing little is that the minds of your listeners, readers or viewers fill in the gaps. This is exactly how Evan manipulates in her writings and when she talks about anything to do with the abuse she allegedly suffered. She often leaves gaps in deliberate places, knowing that there is really nothing there, but she knows that if you picture something there by filling in the gap, then it is on you that your thoughts led you that way, not on her. This is how a conniving mind works, knowing how to place blame on others when in reality you are to blame, and she leaves enough room for doubt.

4. I believe Evan confuses PTSD with paranoia. One of her many mental illnesses is certainly paranoia, but she calls it PTSD because it is more victim-friendly and it is associated with war veterans. Paranoia on the other hand would show she is crazy or schizophrenic and makes stories up, or at least forms elaborate conspiracy theories where she is the victim and she always manages to find a way to overcome.

5. "My PTSD was caused by multiple rapes and a severely abusive relationship that went on for years." She sounds here like she was in an abusive marriage for many years. We know that if she entered the mental hospital before her engagement, she had only been with Manson for a few months shy of two years, while if it was after, then the total amount of time of her relationship was about two and half years. Why make it sound it went on so long by saying it was "for years"? This is the advantage of not naming your abuser, you can say anything you want and people will believe you. They overlook these details. Remember, Evan creates images and gaps to allow your mind to fill in the details, so when you hear someone say something went on "for years", you automatically think more than at least five years. It seems she wants people to forget she went back to Manson after they were apart for more than a year, during which time she was in other relationships.

6. "I had struggled with anxiety and panic attacks during the course of my life." Evan likes to blame all her mental illnesses on her alleged abusive relationship with Manson, but even here, as she has done in many other places, she admits that she was suffering with mental illnesses for years before Manson. And when you grow up and live with anxiety and panic attacks since childhood, it is very common for paranoia to also set in, which can even become PTSD.

7. "The silence was deafening, but, I must be honest, I was so relieved to feel safe. To feel taken care of, and to feel like no one could find me and hurt me."

Here she is describing her first night in a mental hospital. This is 2010, though written in 2019. In May of 2020, Evan fled Los Angeles for Nashville with her son Jack without telling his father, Jamie Bell, saying it was because her life and the life of her son was in danger from Marilyn Manson. Is she projecting her 2019 paranoia into her 2010 experience? Has she always been paranoid? 

By 2019, both Evan and the media were trying to convince us that everything Manson said during The High End of Low era was a literal threat towards Evan, even though it wasn't. However, is Evan so mentally ill that she really believes this is true? or is she using this language as an excuse? If you can get people to believe someone is out to kill you, then it can justify a lot of crazy actions.
 
8. "I heard my name in my ear while I slept, which would jolt me awake. In my hazy stupor, I would see shadows, figures of people in my room, I would scream and they would dissipate." This falls more into the category of paranoia than it does of PTSD, though it should be clear that paranoia could give you PTSD. This could also tell us she was having a drug problem, or perhaps it was just her prescription drugs affecting her. There is no context to these stories, leaving us to fill in the gaps, which is exactly what she wants us to do. The last thing she will ever admit, however, is that she may be schizophrenic, or plain ol' crazy. Evan always wants to remind us that her mental illnesses are legitimately caused by others, and not inherent within herself. To say she is paranoid, or schizophrenic or crazy is to admit that the problem is in your mind, but to use words like PTSD falls better in the category of an abused victim.

9. Notice the interesting details when Evan talks to the unnamed woman about her abuse. She writes:

"A woman whose name escapes me now proceeded to ask me in-depth questions about my mental health, my background, childhood, drug use, etc."

Why did Evan write "whose name escapes me"? She has not given one person's name in this entire article, and she writes this? It is an odd thing to write. Here is my theory. When a person lies, they share too many details. I think Evan is naturally wanting to share too many details, but knows she can't name her, whether she knows the name or not, so to sound authentic she makes up for it by writing this, compelled by her subconscious. Notice also how she never says if the woman is a nurse, a doctor, a psychiatrist - nothing. For all we know, it may have been one of those shadow figures in her room she was seeing. This could be any woman, but again Evan wants you the reader to fill in the gaps. She knows the gaps you fill will make this woman legitimate, probably imagining a highly trained psychiatrist.

Also, Evan never shares with us what she shared with that "woman". Did she talk about her drug use, her bisexuality, her relationships, her parents. She only says that when the woman asked her mother questions, her mother's response was that she was a perfect child. By this Evan is painting her mother as a parent who is completely unaware. (Notice also how the mother never blames her relationship with Marilyn Manson for her suicide attempt at any point in the article).

Then when the woman says she needs to ask her about sexual abuse, Evan says:

"My heart sank, my mother politely excused herself so as not to make me uncomfortable, and probably for her own sanity, then I proceeded to share...."

This is the only thing Evan wants us to concentrate on. That this is all about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of Marilyn Manson, even though Evan has said more recently that it took her seven years to realize she was abused, after she was diagnosed with PTSD. Notice also how she has her mother walking out at this point. As she writes this years later, she knows that her mother didn't know anything about her being abused by Manson until she publicly revealed it in 2016, and the way Evan is covering for herself is by saying to the world that she kept it away from her mother even in 2010 (because her mother didn't want to hear it or couldn't handle it), and only spoke about it with this unknown woman, which adds to Evan's elaborate lie. Of course, any caring mother who wants to help her daughter would have sat there and heard the answer of their daughter, but Evan is portraying her mother in this clearly fictional story as someone who is very fragile, who doesn't want to hear the truth, who only wants to remember her daughter as a perfect little girl. If anything, throughout this article Evan depicts her mother as a very weak creature who could not handle anything bad from her daughter. She doesn't even want to know that her daughter was raped "for years". 

If there is any truth to this story, this is probably the point when Evan revealed her struggle with bisexuality, and having not come out publicly yet as a bisexual, she probably didn't want her mother to know about it and requested that she speak to the anonymous woman privately.
 
10. Evan goes on to talk about how real people came to like her for who she was (she was given an alias while in the hospital, yet they wanted her to be open in group sessions?), and not because she was a film star, and she talks about getting her soul back with singing for the patients. Here she is doing at least two things: first, she wants people to view her as someone who realizes she is privileged but is still real and like everybody else and a likeable person, and second, she is promoting her singing career, and how it is with singing that she rediscovered her soul, and this is primarily what she wants to be known for.

11. In this 2019 article Evan is trying to disassociate from her past as a mommy's girl and a film actress, and wants to forge a new path for herself as an activist and a singer. This is the article in summary. The turning point in doing this is to use Marilyn Manson as a scapegoat who forged this path, but she doesn't want to admit that in fact she had become radicalized over time, culminating in 2016-17.

12. Evan needs to get back on her medication.


Evan's Daddy Issues

In May of 2009, Indy Week wrote a piece on Evan called "Evan Rachel Wood Returns", about Evan's return to North Carolina to do a theater show with her father. I won't go into details about this piece, because reading through it speaks for itself. What is important to note are the following comments she made about her role in The Wrestler, that came from an interview with Fox News a year earlier:

"I definitely personally relate to it. I came equipped with my own daddy issues, and the film actually helped me deal with a lot of them. Every emotion you see on screen is completely real for me."

She further says in this article:

"I work so that I have to face certain sides of myself. I believe more in facing your pain and your darkness. After doing The Wrestler and hearing all those words come out of Mickey Rourke's mouth and facing those feelings I didn't want to have to face, it was years of therapy in a week."

Evan thus sees her roles as a form of therapy. This particular role in The Wrestler she took when she and Manson first started dating. This is the reason why she colored her hair black during this time, for the role. Her role and this interview a year later helped her confront her daddy issues, facing her pain and darkness, before she was engaged to Manson.

Why is it that Evan didn't talk about this in her Nylon essay as part of her issues that brought her a lot of pain and grief growing up. Maybe because it didn't fit the narrative.


Evan's Mommy Issues

"We [Evan speaking of her mother] had a bad breakup. We hadn’t been apart for more than a week my whole life. We shared a room, we shared a bed. She was constantly by my side, all the time, until the minute I turned 18. I hopped on [Marilyn Manson’s] tour bus, and was like, I’m going to have an adolescence. I didn’t really get a normal childhood. Manson gave me what I felt I’d missed out on, where you get to experiment and cut loose and change and grow. I lived 50 lifetimes in those four years” (New York Magazine; April 7, 2011).

Evan’s parents divorced when she was nine, giving her plenty of grief to pull from professionally. She moved with her mom to L.A. to be home-schooled and take five acting classes a week. "My mom was obsessed with me being the next Jodie Foster. She wanted me to go to the schools that Foster went to and learn French," she said. At 14, she booked Thirteen, ushering in fame and its ways of messing with a young mind. “I was shy and insecure,” she says. “Any child actor will tell you that you don’t have a lot of the tools or the experience to combat a lot of the criticism or very adult situations being thrown at you.”

Evan was extremely close to her mother, in fact her life was practically controlled by her mother, and they even slept together in the same bed until around the time she started seeing Marilyn Manson (no wonder she sees herself as a child with Manson; and she was 19, not 18). In the November 2016 interview with Rolling Stone, Evan reportedly said to her mother after she started dating Manson:

“I met somebody that promised freedom and expression and no judgments. And I was craving danger and excitement. I looked at my mother one day and said, ‘Mom, I’m gonna get on this tour bus for eight months and see the world and have a crazy journey and find myself, and if people aren’t OK with that, I’m sorry, but I can’t live my life for other people.’ ”

You can say it was growing up as an actress and so close to her mother that drove Evan to date Manson and enter into his lifestyle. Her Nylon essay above reflects how Evan felt like she needed to be totally fake around her mother, leading her to repression. She couldn't be who she was inside. Her mother seemed to be totally unreceptive to anything negative about Evan. These things will certainly give you mommy issues, but this also does not enter into the conversation in Evan's Nylon essay above. Instead, Evan is completely focused on abuse by Manson, revealing an ulterior motive.


The Real Reason Evan Rachel Wood Entered a Mental Hospital 
and the Evolution of an Accusation

Before we begin, it must be remembered that before Evan Rachel Wood was radicalized and came out as an alleged rape victim in November of 2016, from 2011 to 2016 her activism was primarily focused on coming out as a bisexual and educating people about bisexuality. This continued into 2016, but was almost completely abandoned as a platform when she realized that the gay community and others of alternative lifestyles rejected her advocacy. This is when she came out as an alleged rape victim and focused her activism on sexual abuse and assault.

In a video released by Evan on June 16, 2016, we first hear of Evan's suicide attempt at the age of 22, which “was, weirdly, the best-worst thing that ever happened to me. ‘Cause it did not work.” She specifically says in this video that that first time she thought about committing suicide was after her first kiss with a girl at the age of 12, mainly because it left her very confused and she did not know how to express herself. This lingering feeling lasted for years, and it made her feel lonely. She says that when she finally did attempt to commit suicide, it was because of her bisexuality, her feeling that there was no place for her, her feeling that she had no self-worth.

Keep in mind, it was in this video that she revealed for the first time she was in a past abusive relationship, though it would be another five months before she would come out as an alleged rape victim. Nonetheless, in this video she specifically ties her suicide attempt to her hidden and confusing bisexuality, and not abuse of any kind by anyone.

When we move forward five months to November of 2016, and Evan comes out for the first time as a rape victim to Rolling Stone, this is when Evan ties her suicide attempt to her rapes. She didn't say this to Rolling Stone, however, but the day after the interview was published, on her Twitter account, because she thought Rolling Stone didn't cover her alleged rape adequately. On her Twitter she wrote, after saying she had been raped by two men:

"This was all before I tried to commit suicide and I am sure was one of the many factors."

So now she ties her suicide attempt to her alleged rapes, but she is doing it with some reluctance. It seems she is thinking out loud as she writes this, and is telling us that perhaps it was a subconscious reason behind her suicide attempt. She is aware that five months before she specifically said it was because of her hidden bisexuality, but now it appears she is forcing the rape allegations into this narrative of her suicide attempt too.

Evan brought up her suicide attempt again in her testimony before Congress in 2018, where she talks about all the trauma she suffered after Marilyn Manson allegedly sexually assaulted her:

"I struggled with self-harm, to the point of two suicide attempts, which landed me in a psychiatric hospital for a short period of time. This was, however, a turning point in my life, and when I started seeking professional help to deal with my trauma and mental stress."

This is where Evan begins to completely disassociate her suicide attempt from her hidden bisexuality and changes the narrative to it being caused by her sexual abuse at the hands of Marilyn Manson and her other anonymous rapist, both of whom she had not yet named. She further changes the narrative by increasing the number of suicide attempts from one to two. She had said in her video from June 16, 2016, that she had attempted to commit suicide twice, but then the first attempt was from when she was 12 years old and about her bisexual confusion, but now that she is transforming her advocacy from bisexuality to a sexual abuse survivor she changes this story and connects both suicide attempts to Marilyn Manson.

Finally, we come to her January 2019 Nylon essay above, when again bisexuality is never mentioned as the reason behind her suicide attempt(s) nor as even one of the reasons for her checking herself into a mental hospital. She only talks about one suicide attempt in this article.

What we have here is a clear evolution of an accusation. From 2016 to 2019 Evan had completely changed the narrative of her suicide attempt, which was behind the reason for her checking into a mental hospital.


Concluding Remarks:

Evan Rachel Wood has said that she fully came to realize and accept herself as a bisexual after her high-profile romance with Marilyn Manson and moving to New York City. Her relationship with Manson ended while she was filming Mildred Pierce in New York. During the filming, she talked about how the dark character of Veda had entered her head and put her in a dark place. This combined with her break up with Marilyn Manson in August 2010 made her difficult situation worse, mentally, and we know that she was also struggling with her hidden bisexuality. It seems that these three factors, as well as all the other things she talks about, like growing up with divorced parents and as a Hollywood actress, let alone the drug use she engaged in while in a relationship with Manson, and all the mental illnesses she suffered growing up, all seem to have played a factor in Evan's suicide attempt and subsequent entrance into a mental hospital. When she left the mental hospital, she decided to come out publicly as a bisexual in April of 2011. From that time forward she spoke about the depression she felt as a hidden and confused bisexual, and this was the focus of her activism "for years". Though she continues to speak on behalf of bisexuals and to educate people about bisexuality, since she came out as a sexual abuse victim in 2016, and especially by 2018, she almost solely devoted her activism to issues of sexual assault. Therefore, there are many reasons Evan Rachel Wood checked herself into a mental hospital after her suicide attempt, but the primary reason had to do with her struggles with bisexuality. 

According to Evan's latest narrative, however, after her abusive relationship with Marilyn Manson, she developed PTSD, and not knowing this but suffering the symptoms led to her suicide attempt, which led to her checking herself into a mental hospital. Since then, she has been in therapy focusing on dealing with the abuse she suffered. Period. This is now Evan's complete narrative for all her woes.
 
I want to be clear, Evan Rachel Wood has proven herself to be a liar, a very elaborate one at that. There are reasons to even doubt Evan ever really tried to commit suicide. I am assuming two things she says are true: first, she attempted suicide, and second, she checked herself into a mental hospital - though there is no evidence for either being true. From 2011 to 2016 she continuously associated these with her hidden confusion as a bisexual. Then when Donald Trump becomes President which inspired her to up her game as an activist, and the fact that she really wanted to be on the cover of Rolling Stone, she came out with a bombshell as a rape victim, thus emerging as an all new activist. Whatever she would go on to talk about after 2016 seems to be a total distortion of reality, and cannot be trusted.
 
 
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