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The Spoof That Became a Reality: How Evan Rachel Wood and Darren Criss Became Friends in 2014

Evan Rachel Wood and Darren Criss hit the stage together in the Off-Broadway revival of Little Shop of Horrors on January 30th, and this Sunday, March 31st, their performances are coming to an end. On February 20th, the pair appeared together on TODAY with Hoda & Jenna to promote their show and talk about how their friendship began a decade ago in 2014 and has continued strong till today. But what was it that brought Evan and Darren together in 2014? It was a spoof on the show Funny or Die of the Tom Hank's movie Big , but in this version of the film the male lead role is played by a female, Evan Rachel Wood. Darren Criss is the adult who plays her love interest and eventually finds out he’s had sexual relations with a 13-year-old girl aged by magic. What is interesting on top of this, in the 2003 movie Thirteen , Evan played a 13-year-old who wanted to be older and in one scene she had sex with an older man.   When Big came out in 1988, it was a huge success and few were

What Marilyn Manson Has Said About Sex, Porn, Groupies, Misogyny and Relationships


When people think of Marilyn Manson and sexuality, they immediately think of his dark and deviant public image, his videos and his lyrics, which conjures in their minds an understanding that Manson in his private life must be exactly the same - or worse - as his art. After all, this is a guy who has dated multiple models, actresses and porn stars. However, if we listen to what Manson says on these subjects and how they relate to his personal life, we get a different understanding from what he expresses to the public through his art. Manson has typically let his art be open to interpretation, as he says: "That's the beauty of art and music in general. You make something that works on different levels, some people take it at surface value, while others go deeper for what they need." Therefore, in regards to his personal life, let each interpret as they will as well. Below are a sample of quotes about Sex, Porn, Groupies, Misogyny and Relationships taken from interviews and circumstances in which he is genuinely talking about his philosophy and lifestyle, and I've provided sources and dates to put things in context. Keep in mind also, because Manson is actually a shy person, he is awkward, so he compensates with humor, and this is evident in much of what you will read below (unfortunately it also gets him in trouble sometimes). This will be regularly updated as I come across quotes, but what is below is pretty representative of what he has said over the years.

SEX

- I don't consider myself to be as... open as people might consider me to be. I'm a little more shy. I think that's why you become extroverted, when you're a little bit more shy about who you are. Especially you know, in sexual, er, terms. So I wouldn't say there's a lot of sexual decadence around me. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- First and foremost: women’s stockings. Stockings are such a fetish for me. I still wear them onstage. I particularly like translucent ones or skin-tone. I associate them with my eighth-grade Bible teacher. But she was probably wearing pantyhose with a crotch panel. I also like women’s feet. If I see a woman with ugly feet, I get angry. And I like looking at women’s shoes in a store, imagining them on a girl. (When asked about his sexual fetishes, Spin - June 2007) 
 
- I'm not some sort of sexual deviant. I think I would laugh nervously in the face of a threesome. I'm shy. I'm the kind of person who turns the lights out. (The Guardian - July 2012) 
 
- I've learnt about the extremes I have to go to in order to feel things. People who criticise me for my drug-taking and sexual depravity are people who have no experience of drugs and sex. But I've done all that. I'm talking from a position of knowledge. (Independent - Feb. 2014) 

 
PORN

- I’ve never watched pornography. I’ve always looked at pornographic stills or pictures of women in lingerie or the Victoria’s Secret catalogue, but I’ve never watched pornography. I can’t watch moving pornography, maybe because I don’t like to see other dicks. I don’t know why. The three girls that you mentioned, I’ve never watched any of their pornography. I did not know who Jenna Jameson was and Traci Lords I knew from Cry-Baby. I guess it’s strange, but with Stoya we were more like brother and sister. (Dazed - Feb. 2015) 

- I've actually never been a fan of porno. I really never watch it unless I'm stuck in a hotel and that's the only channel you get.
 
 
GROUPIES

- Groupies are a strange thing for me, because I have this fatherly Boy Scout-leader quality – I have a sense of respect for people who are a part of what I do, and I don’t feel the need to disrespectfully abuse them. But the heat gets people acting strange. The last time we did Ozzfest, we had the bus that everybody envied. We had a better way of dealing with the entry into our private domain – it started with wet T-shirt contests, but that seemed just too spring break. So I made it more of a “whoever can get undressed the quickest” kind of vibe. Then it became a thing with girls in bondage being forced to do improvisational dances to the Geto Boys. It was a strange performance-art thing where everybody genuinely enjoyed it. (Rolling Stone - June 12, 2003)
 
- It’s pretty tame. At least for me. The combination of always having a girlfriend on tour with me and my aversion to … people I don’t know touching me.... I’ve been doing this long enough to know that the hot girls are not in the front row at concerts. The hot girls are somewhere in the back, just being hot. Also, I know how I smell after a show, so the girls who were in the front, with all those bodies pressed against them, I can’t even imagine what they smell like. You’ve got all these factors involved, and I’m a bit of a germaphobe anyway.

But I’ve done some things. I’ve been involved in some activities I’m not proud of. I did get into a precarious situation where it ended up really scary. There was a bus driver for Danzig when we were on tour with them, Tony Wiggins, who was generally I think a dangerous person.

He was dangerous in a different way from me. I wouldn’t want to fall asleep around him. He would hogtie girls with an apparatus where if you didn’t keep your arms back far enough it would start to choke you.

He said to me once, “Manson, I’ve got this girl tied up. I want you to come in and get her to confess to sins. We’ll videotape it.” This sounded real good on paper.

Well, the whole thing just wasn’t as nasty in my imagination. So I walked into the room — we were in Kansas, I think — and I instantly felt bad for this girl because she had psoriasis or something. Now, I just play a misogynist on TV. I’m not nearly as bad as I seem. So this was kind of odd for me.

I started asking her questions. And it went way south from there. I won’t even get into details about what she said, but it was not what I expected to hear. And then cops started knocking on the door, who we managed to elude. She didn’t scream or anything because she wanted to be there.

Plus she was passed out and we thought she was dead.

So that ended that whole adventure. It kind of nipped in the bud any inclination I had towards groupies. It just never seems like a smart idea.  (MTV Hive - September 2012)

- I’m usually pretty exhausted after a show, so I’ll watch a movie and get a good seven, eight hours of sleep so I can make sure this gravelly larynx of mine will still be functioning tomorrow. That doesn’t mean I haven’t found myself in interesting situations. I’ve had moments where I’ve told girls that if they fought my girlfriend in a nude pillow fight and won that I would have sex with them, and then my girlfriend proceeded to pull out a pencil—and this comes back to my pencil metaphor—and started stabbing a pillow and there were feathers everywhere, and the girls just sat there and didn’t do anything.

This was at the IQ Music Festival in Serbia (in June). And I said to these girls, “You know that some day you’re going to have kids. I know that you will. And your kids are going to spit on you. Because you’re going to say, ‘I was in Marilyn Manson’s hotel room in Serbia, and he challenged us to have a pillow fight with his girlfriend, and we did not engage in this warfare. We claimed we were too tired.’ Your kids will be ashamed of you.” And I sent them on their way.

It can’t all be a rock ‘n’ roll fantasy. Sometimes people are pussies. (MTV Hive - September 2012)


MISOGYNY

- Early on, they called me M, but then Eminem sort of stigmatized that. He actually said – and we know each other and get along famously – when he was first starting out that he wanted to be the rap Marilyn Manson. He asked me to sing on his first record, and I would have, except that the song he asked me to sing was – and this might sound strange – too misogynistic. It was the one about killing his girlfriend and putting her in a trunk. It was on a record I could listen to, but it was too over-the-top for me to associate with. It didn’t represent where I was at. First of all, I don’t drive. And I wouldn’t put a girl in a trunk; that’s where I keep other stuff. That’s my dry, deadpan humor kicking in. (Spin - June 2007)
 
- I just play a misogynist on TV. I’m not nearly as bad as I seem. (MTV Hive - September 2012)

- I’m not sexist, but I tend to incite misogynist characteristics. I do not hate women, I love women. I just don’t love what they do to me sometimes. (Dazed - Feb. 2015)    


RELATIONSHIPS

- Sacrifice to me is something you do without expecting something in return. (The Guardian - May 2007)

- I think that somebody's always going to suffer more. And I'd think I hurt her more. But only because she didn't understand the amount of pain I went through before it became apparent to her. She didn't understand that my idea of the relationship was suffering for longer than she knew. And so when things ended equally between us, she might have assumed that I didn't care. Not realising that I had been experiencing it for much longer. (On his divorce from Dita Von Teese, The Guardian - May 2007)

- I think one of the reasons I got on stage was because I have a hard time relating to people. It was a matter of being invisible as a kid. I didn't have to create an alter-ego, I had to create an ego. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- I wish that my life could be like the movies, like Bonnie and Clyde or The Hunger or Harold and Maude. And... it can be! It maybe just takes somebody else who is as fearless as you. It takes a person who will not hesitate. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- My only definition of romance is that somebody has to be willing to hold hands and jump off the cliff with you. At that point, you don't want to die any more. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- I think that it helps to match my emotional immaturity. I am always going to be fundamentally immature. As someone being... being Marilyn Manson, I shouldn't be expected to grow up in a conventional way. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- I mostly just get yelled at for things that I can't change, and don't want to change any more. (The Guardian - May 2007) 

- It’s the old cliché, 'Marriage changes everything'. (Spin - June 2007)

- To play devil’s advocate – but that doesn’t really work, since I’m the devil – people would say that drugs and alcohol wrecked my marriage. But buyer beware. She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn’t. I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. I was someone who had to be apologized for. I wasn’t prepared to be alone. (Spin - June 2007) 
 
- If you want to stay out of the tabloids, don't fuck actresses. It's that simple. (Metal Hammer - June 2012)  

- I was in a relationship that was going wrong and I realised that if other people were saying 'I can't take this anymore' then they don't have to.

That was with Evan Rachel Wood and (not to bring her up) but sometimes in life, I have noticed that I'll attach myself to identifying with the wrong thing. Whether that be a relationship or a concept. Fixing something else that's broken would fix what's wrong with me. I've described myself as a flypaper for damaged women. I've often attracted myself to things that are more complicated than myself because I didn't want to deal with being me. (Metal Hammer - June 2012)
 
- I fall in love very easily. (The Guardian - July 2012) 

- I am drawn to women who are independent and creative, which is problematic because it's a struggle, a competition of careers. There's jealousy. And if you don't want to be known as Marilyn Manson's girlfriend, why would you be it? (The Guardian - July 2012)  

- My girlfriend Lindsay's twin just had a baby and I've started to think that maybe I wouldn't mind passing my demented genius on to some small thing who can set fire and breathe profanity. (The Guardian - July 2012)  

- I don't trust girls who have three names. (Referring to Evan Rachel Wood, Daily Mail - June 2015)  

- A mistake (Describing his relationship with Evan Rachel Wood, Daily Mail - June 2015) 
 
- Love is a very strange word. I love being alive. I love air. I love vodka. I love food. I love not being dead. I love making music. So when you say ‘I love you’ to someone, it’s sort of narrow. I think if you say, ‘I’m dedicated to you. I wanna be with you. You’re my partner,’ that’s a more powerful way to express it. (Dazed - Feb. 2015)  

- I don’t know if I have a heart. I’ve let my guard down, I’ve been wounded. So if you mean heartbroken in that sense, yes. I think essentially man and woman can’t function without the other, because it started that way. But it doesn’t mean you’re the same as I am just because we like the same movies or laugh at the same jokes. If you’re in a Bonnie and Clyde or Natural Born Killers-type relationship, that doesn’t mean you should expect the other person to feel the same way as you, simply because in your fucked-up mind you think you’re living in a movie, which I do. (When asked if he has had his heart broken, Dazed - Feb. 2015) 
 
- Nice ones. I’ve avoided that – unintentionally – in the past. Not naming anyone and saying that they were mean, but I think I’ve been described as flypaper for crazy women. It is hard to take on that role when I’m so unreasonably unusual to handle. I guess I’m a wildcat. I find myself wanting to locate a girl who is truly nice, and understands both Brian and Marilyn Manson. It’s person and persona, it’s all of it, it’s a handful. So, someone who is nice enough and kind enough to deal with that. I’m not sure if they make that sort of person. I’ll let you know if I find out. (When asked what his type of woman is, Dazed - Sept. 2016) 
 
- I’m fortunate that people are still charmed by my childlike humour, because I’ve never felt that I had immensely normal, handsome looks. I just let my sense of humour and my utter lack of respect for rules define me. (Dazed - Sept. 2016) 

- I try to fix problems and not make new ones. And I try to apologise like a gentleman, even though I’m a scoundrel and a villain and everything else people want to call me. I feel a responsibility to always make amends for mistakes. I’ve made my apologies, made my amends with enemies of the past, and made my peace with them. I’ve got a clean slate right now. (Dazed - Sept. 2016) 


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